A nightmare but my eyes are open
A hellish night I feel so broken
Have hit rock bottom with a crash
Injuring my tired mind
I’ve not been here before
Last time I took shelter
On my ledge, built from thoughts of suicide
But I destroyed this shelf last night
The option of dying no longer exists
As a possibility in my ever stronger mind
I worked with speed and efficiency
Although I could barely breathe
But I was spurred on by my parents tears
A recent memory
I now have my feet on solid ground
In the abyss of hurt and pain
Although the feelings are intense
They can no longer take my life away
For fear has no power if you don’t do what it says
Its all so much clearer now
A decision has been made
I can concentrate on getting well with all my energy
I’ve just won my first battle so I’ll rest here for a while
Restoring the energy that depleted from my mind
I have taken a big step forward
And I'll take strength from this
I , Lucie , will win this war
I have no doubt of this
For a long time the thought of suicide was an aid that got me through the pain. This poem describes the first big step of my recovery where I abandoned all attempts and thoughts of suicide. It was the moment I knew that I could never begin to climb out of my abyss until I had fallen to the very bottom. Thinking of the quick way out was masking the worst of my pain, and I would never have fully healed without feeling this.
